When Home Feels Complicated
How Your Relationship with Your Home Country Shapes Your Child's Language Journey
Today I want to share a realization I've had recently about heritage language maintenance - something that might explain a fundamental difference between families who successfully maintain their cultural connections and those who don't.
It's not just about the strategies we use, but something deeper: our relationship with our home country.
The Hidden Factor in Language Maintenance
I've noticed something interesting in expatriate communities. Some parents naturally gravitate toward people from their homeland, creating rich cultural environments for their children. Meanwhile, others (like me) have more complex relationships with their roots.
This relationship might stem from why you left your home country in the first place.
While some people emigrate "sort of" by accident through job opportunities or relationships, others leave with intention - not because of work, but because they simply wanted to live somewhere else.
My Personal Experience
This is definitely part of my story. While there are things I truly love about Poland - the food, hospitality, and people's eagerness to share their lives - there are aspects that make me feel I don't fully belong there.
Certain elements of religion and patriotism prevalent in Poland today don't align with my values. For this reason, even though I want my daughters to maintain the language and cultural connections, I wouldn't send them to Polish Saturday school. I know these schools often focus on raising children with certain "Polish values" that I don't always share.
Probably for the same reasons, my circle of friends is rather mixed. At my daughter's recent birthday party, there were more French guests than Polish ones!
You Don't Need a Strong Community to Maintain Language
Not everyone feels drawn to people who speak their language. If you're like me, you might not have endless homeland connections or know where to find the best traditional foods or celebrate local festivals.
But this doesn't mean all is lost for your heritage language!
Even without a strong community, there are meaningful ways to maintain cultural connections:
Childhood Books - If there are books from your childhood you're particularly attached to, make sure to have them at home and start reading early. In Poland, we have wonderful children's poetry writers whose amusing rhymes have entertained generations of kids. Find reads you love, and your child will likely love them too.
Music From Home - Whether it's pop, rock, or hip-hop, share your favorite artists or songs. It doesn't have to be children's music - just make sure these sounds are present in your home.
A Few Key Connections - While you don't need to surround yourself with compatriots, find at least 1-2 friends your child can bond with and meet regularly. Even if they don't have kids, just overhearing you speaking your native language can make a huge impact.
Celebrate Selectively - Pick a few meaningful holidays or traditions from your culture that resonate with your values and celebrate them with enthusiasm, explaining their significance to your children.
Share Your Story - Talk about your own childhood experiences growing up in your home country. Personal stories create emotional connections to a culture in ways that formal education cannot.
Your Turn
📊 Quick Poll: How would you describe your relationship with your home country?
💭 Reflection:
How has your relationship with your home country influenced your approach to teaching your heritage language?
Which aspects of your culture do you most want to pass on to your children?
Have you found yourself censoring certain cultural elements while emphasizing others?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic — it's something I haven't seen discussed much in multilingual parenting resources.
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As always, thanks for reading and see you next week!
Magda
Wow this post really made me think! My love for Colombia’s natural beauty, food, and overall vibe is undeniable. However, I can't ignore the realities of colorism, rigid beauty standards, and gender disparities.
This is a complicated relationship because I want to teach my kids their heritage language in a way that encourages critical engagement with their cultural roots. I want them to understand and appreciate their heritage while being equipped to challenge its problematic aspects.
Hi Juliana,
This really hits home! I totally understand that mix of deep love for your homeland that is mixed with awareness of its problems.
I think you're giving your kids something incredibly valuable - not just language skills, but a thoughtful approach to cultural identity.
Teaching them to both celebrate AND question is important in forming their own ideals about life.
With my daughters still being quite young, we haven't had too many deep conversations about the complicated parts of Polish culture yet. For now, I mostly focus on sharing the aspects I love while naturally filtering out elements I don't connect with.
But they're already starting to ask questions! My older daughter wonders why "babcia" (grandmother) goes to church so much and other questions that touch on cultural differences. I can already tell these conversations will get tricky as they grow.
How do your kids respond when you talk about Colombian culture? I'd love to hear how these discussions evolve in your family!