When Your Child Goes Silent

Building Confidence in the Community Language

This week brought a challenge many of us face with multilingual children — our daughter's 4-year check-up included mandatory sight and hearing tests, but she went completely silent when faced with the Swiss doctor.

Despite speaking German confidently at nursery with teachers and friends (and recently even chatting with the crafts atelier volunteer!), she still freezes around certain adults - especially medical professionals.

This "selective mutism" with the community language isn't uncommon, but it raises important questions: How do we help our children feel comfortable using all their languages in different settings? How do we balance maintaining heritage languages while fostering belonging in our current home?

Why Children Sometimes "Go Silent"

Children often develop different comfort levels with each of their languages based on:

• Context associations - They connect specific languages to particular places or people

• Confidence levels - They may understand perfectly but lack speaking confidence

• Emotional safety - They may be more hesitant in high-stress situations

• Expected outcomes - As in our case, they might stay silent when they anticipate something unpleasant (like doctor visits)

For children acquiring the community language primarily through structured settings like nursery or playgroups, this selective silence is particularly common in unfamiliar situations.

5 Strategies to Build Community Language Confidence

Here are some approaches that might help children become more comfortable with their community language:

1. Create Positive Language Associations

Children are more likely to use languages they associate with enjoyable experiences. Consider community events, playgroups, or activities where the language is spoken in fun, low-pressure environments.

2. Practice Social Scripts for Specific Situations

Simple role-play or reading books about challenging situations (like doctor visits) in the community language can help children prepare for these interactions.

3. Gradually Expand Language Zones

Introducing the community language in comfortable settings can build confidence before facing more challenging environments.

4. Celebrate Progress and Effort

Acknowledging attempts to communicate, not just perfect speech, helps build confidence and motivation to keep trying.

5. Find Natural Community Integration Opportunities

Regular, meaningful interaction with community language speakers creates authentic reasons to use the language.

The Balance: Heritage and Belonging

While maintaining heritage languages remains crucial (as I've mentioned in previous newsletters), helping children feel comfortable in their community language provides essential benefits:

• Creates a sense of belonging in their current home

• Builds confidence in navigating social situations independently

• Allows them to form friendships outside the home

• Prepares them for educational success

• Helps them develop a positive multicultural identity

The goal isn't to prioritize one language over another, but to help children navigate all their languages with confidence and joy.

Your Turn

📊 Quick Poll: How does your child respond to using the community language in different settings?

💭 Reflection:

• What situations trigger language hesitation in your child?

• What strategies have helped your child feel more comfortable using all their languages?

• How do you balance heritage language maintenance with community integration?

I'd love to hear your experiences and approaches! What has worked for your family to help your children feel confident in all their languages?

Have a great weekend,

Magda

P.S. As always, I'd love to hear your ideas, challenges, and successes. Reply directly to this email or leave a comment to share your story!